The (Witch) Doctor Is In: Third World Witchcraft Established in Birmingham, UK

The African invasion of Britain has reached such large proportions that traditional witchdoctors are now taking out full-color advertisements in locally distributed newspapers targeted at their fellow-tribesmen, an exclusive New Observer report can reveal.

The advertisements have started appearing in the greater Birmingham and Manchester area editions of the Metro newspaper, a free-distribution paper aimed at the commuting community and most often given away at train stations and bus stops.


The advertisements, which look identical to those previously only seen in Africa, promise witchdoctor and “ancestral spirit” cures for all manner of personal problems, and, ominously enough, one even offers a cure for “immigration problems” as well—although that is linked directly to an “independent qualified solicitor” (possibly an “ordinary” client of the good doctor?

The most prominent of the new advertisers rejoices in the name “Shaikh Jalal”.

“Your satisfaction is my priority” the good witchdoctor announces, before boasting that his practice has “the highest of all spirits in the Midlands” (a reference to the part of England in which Birmingham is located).


With “40 years experience,[sic]” Shaikh Jalal  says he is “the first man to combine the power of spirituality”—although confusingly he doesn’t say what it has been combined with.

However, whatever he has combined it with, is pretty powerful, or so he claims, because he says he can help clients with “relationships, work and business difficulties . . . those who feel unloved, unlucky or jealous. . . problems with your wife, husband or partners “ and so on.

Like a conventional business, Shaikh Jamal’s work comes with a guarantee: “All my work is guaranteed not leave you disappointed” [sic] is his tagline.

If maybe Shaikh Jamal seems to be a bit expensive (after all, his advertisement is very big), then customers may be tempted by the far more modest advertisement underneath his, from a “Mr Mamo.”


According to this advanced practitioner, he is a man who you “can trust with his knowledge from his ancestral spirit” who can “give you the way out with regards to marital, love, career, good luck, business etc.” [sic].

If Mr Mamo seems a bit dicey to you, you can always try Mr Abdul, who has a slightly larger advertisement (but nothing as pretentious as the good “Dr” Jalal).


“Mr Abdul” is a spiritual healer who can help you with business difficulties, court cases, family troubles and jealousies, exam and work embarrassment [the mind boggles] and best of all, he offers a translation service in “Urdu, Punjab and French.”

The latter provides an interesting clue as to the origin of his client base: Indians and West Africans.

As amusing as these adventures in Third World-ology might be, the more serious aspect is the mere fact of their presence in Birmingham. It means not only that these Third World witchdoctors are resident in the UK, but that there are enough of their fellow tribesmen present to supply a client base for their profession.

It is part of a process of colonization, which, if left unchecked, will turn Britain into a Third World country.

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  1. These people are fraudsters stay away from them they take 470.00 sheikh jamal is a fraudster he too money from me and never done anything he never picked up his phone after he got it. Please do not trust them they ruin people’s lives.

  2. Don’t trust these people they are fraudsters they get ur trust take ur money the they blank ur calls. They are not worth ur time or ur money. They only ruin ur life because they make u believe they will help u with ur problems but they don’t they just say it to scam u out of hard earned money. Don’t trust these people under any circumstances.

  3. Maybe MI5 could use undercover people to advise the dimbo clients to return to their own countries?

  4. We call Jahal when we’re at the races, we read out the names of the horses and when he hangs up telling us not to waste his time – that’s the horse we bet on. We feel a bit sorry for the bookies, using the spirit world to give us an unfair advantage.

  5. I, like Larry Grayson, have used jalal to gain an advantage at the horses, but when I enquired about protection from evil spirits and large women he seemsed less useful.

      1. In my experience, Jahal and the other reputable conduits to the spirit world listed here are at their most effective between the hours of 3am & 5am. Therefore I would encourage everyone to call them between these hours.

      2. He has blessed me with three winners at Warwick last year. He was surprisingly accurate for the most part. I have tried a rival prophet in Peter Popoff but he was only interested in sending me Rams horns and table clothes for my money.

        1. It will be cool to have him give an accumulator, I called him and he asked me to send money first, I sensed a scam so I dropped the phone and blocked his number, surprised you got through though, you still use him?

  6. He is a total scammer and only wants your money. Do not trust him or his secretary as they only take money from people’s sadness.

  7. Another fine example of how our once lovely country is hitting the skids. Why are these people even allowed to come and live here. We need a good clear out. Must start manning the barricades and organising some huge boats.

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